In our family we had a raw, real, conversation today about grief.  One should be honest and say there are no words.  No words for the impact and life shattering course change a death in the family can bring.

Today we reflected on what did help?

Hugs with or without words.  Prayer.

What words actually help?  More on that in a min…

Meals, with paper plates, plastic silverware, and guests to share the meal (a loss of appetite is common).

Now on to the human way to voice care and love for another….

Consider the beliefs of the family, and avoid phrases like they are in a better place, or this was God’s will.  We are not God, so try to refrain from speaking for Him.  If you must speak a word of God, try the written words from the Word “God is able to comfort us” or “Jesus wept” or simply do that -weep with them.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.   Psalm 34:18

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you,” says the Lord.  Isaiah 66:13

Practical help is golden.

Bathroom items were useful, as you have a high frequency of visitors who use the restroom.

Coffee runs, gifts, and acts of service are all lights to the darkness of despair bright with human compassion.

Company let’s you know while they can not change the circumstance your loved ones and friends who remain want bring relief to your pain and help your process of grief.

If you are the one going through the loss, please remember people say anything, and it’s wise for you to set a boundary.

My mother-in-law after the death of her son, was staying with friends who chose to watch a violent crime show nightly and the graphic nature of the series made her stay with them extra painful.  Speak up and voice your needs, if something is too difficult for you say so.

Also everyone goes through grief differently, respectfully give each family member the freedom as they process differently this new life they will now live.  Pictures are a blessing and also a trigger.   Music is powerful for comfort and making a playlist to listen to at night can help with the grief waves.

A new life is born, just as when your world changes with marriage, birth, it also changes forever with death.  As you move forward your story will be woven with other’s and will bring hope to someone else.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5