What matters? Part 2 by Cetacea Stanton

 

We all have a friend who dares us to dream again.  Cetacea’s writing has a way of calling you out and up at the same time.  I trust you’ll enjoy her prompt as much as I did. Live well. Love Charity

Dreaming has always felt expensive. Every time I drift off into wandering imaginations my heart pays a price.
My heart opens and begins to race at the prompting of “what if.”

What if I build a company; what if I fall in love; what if I make a difference; what if my words touch someone; what if my music inspires someone; what if I change someone’s life? My body comes alive, blood pulsing, mind racing, palms sweating, feet paddling, and I can barely stay in my seat. It makes me want to run, it makes me want to cry out, it makes me want to dive in and I feel those things so much that it hurts. My heart hurts from the excitement building, my legs hurt from standing still, and my mind hurts from the angst of so much pent-up potential. And when that pain becomes almost unbearable, a voice gently tells me to shut it all off, all of that pain and feeling. I recognize that voice as the same one that speaks into my “what if” questions, the voice that always reminds me to be realistic, again, gently of course.
“How could you do all of those things?”
“You should lower your expectations.”
“You’ve never even tried to do that, you don’t know how.”
“Don’t you think someone who is more qualified should be doing that?”
“You shouldn’t waste your time, it’s not like it would work anyway.”
“That is only going to hurt you in the long run, how about you focus on reality, that is much safer for you.”

And every reminder sounds like it is for my benefit. Every correction is done so softly that it almost feels loving. Each time that voice pops one of my dreams, it tells me that it is protecting me from the pain of disappointment. The voice sounds like my friend… Because friends protect their friends… But what kind of friend tells you that you are not enough? What kind of friend tells you that you need to be less in order to succeed? What kind of friend talks you out of the desires God has placed on your heart? No friend – of yours or mine.

So what do I do? How do I dream when nightmares are far more familiar? How do I create after spending so long copying? How do I grow after trying so hard to shrink?
God will you show me how to dream? Will you show me how to believe in myself? Will you take me back to that childlike place where it was possible to be a ballerina, or astronaut, or president? Will you teach me how to be comfortable in my own skin? Will you help me to dream big dreams? And will you teach me how to trust you with my dreams? I don’t want to protect myself from my own potential any longer and I trust that you are bigger than any possible disappointments.
Dreaming is expensive but luckily He paid the price for me to dream.

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